script
(Ned hiccups regularly throughout)
OPENING NEWS SEQUENCE ON TV
‘DEN’ – ‘day and evening news’ logo and jingle.
INT. NEWS SET ( ‘Will it ever end?’ scrolls along bottom of screen )
REPORTER
‘Cheers Clive..Right… im here today with Ned whos been
hiccupping now for 25 years ..tell me Ned, will it ever end?”
NED
*Hic* (says nothing)
REPORTER
‘Back to you, Clive’
TV turns off
INT. NEDS DINGY FLAT
Ned is sat slumped in his armchair in front of the TV with a cigarette and bottle of whiskey in hand. Having just watched himself on TV he is frustrated.
AUDIO - (slow piano music starts complimenting his mood).
Ned takes a drag on the cigarette but hiccups, then he goes to swig from his bottle but hiccups again and spills it on himself. He throws the bottle on the floor where it smashes spilling flammable liquid everywhere. Ned stands up and climbs on top of the table infront of him. Ned looks up to the light fitting, drops the cigarette into the puddle below but does not notice and proceeds to wrap the end of his tie to the light fitting. Smoke starts to rise from below. Smoke drifts into shot from below but Ned doesn’t notice for a few seconds…
NED
Aaaaghh.. uuuugh!! (a worried groan)
Ned panics and steps off the table awkwardly, hangs for a moment and chokes, he then falls onto the burning floor, tie snapping. The floor gives way and Ned disappears into the room below.
INT. OLD COUPLES FLAT
AUDIO – Fast piano music begins.(continues till hospital just before final blackout before the hospital scene)
Ned falls to the floor, from the hole in the ceiling,burning. An old couple are on the bed having sex in a humourous position. Ned stands up. The old man turns around to look at Ned but does not stop. Ned is on fire and he leaps out of the window smashing through the glass. The window is visibly above ground level.
EXT. FLAT BLOCKS
Ned flies out of the smashed window still on fire crashing through an opposing window below. Cityscape in the background.
INT. FAT MANS FLAT
Ned smashes through the window with a crash. He rolls in the shards of glass picks himself up from the floor and still burning he runs past the fat man and dog who take little notice. Hes trying to put the fire out by beating it with his hand as he runs out of shot.
INT. BATHROOM
Ned runs into the bathroom jumping into the conveniently full bath where he sighs with relief. A thought bubble appears from Ned suggesting that he has had an idea to electrocute himself. Ned climbs out of the bath splashing water everywhere and runs out of the bathroom.
INT. KITCHEN
Ned runs into the kitchen, spots the toaster and picks it up and heads back for the bathroom. The toaster springs back as the electrical cord is stlil plugged in and the toast springs out taking ned by suprise. The toaster flies out of his hands into the sink where it splashes, smokes and causes a power cut.
BLACKNESS
AUDIO -*SMASH SOUND*
Flash of the fat man hitting Ned with pillow as he’s hunched on the floor.
BLACKNESS
AUDIO - *DOGS BARK*
Flash of dog biting his leg.
BLACKNESS
AUDIO - *GUN RELOADING SOUND*
Flash of fat man loading his gun. Dog barks.
INT. HOSPITAL
AUDIO -(slow mournful piano)
Ned is bandaged up on a hospital bed hooked up to a life support machine with a heart rate monitor.
AUDIO - ‘Hic ..beep.. hic..beep.. hic.. beep ..’
Ned notices the off switch on the life support machine and stretches, trying to reach it.
AUDIO – fade out .. ( ‘hic.. beep.. fart..beep fart..beep)
END
OPENING NEWS SEQUENCE ON TV
‘DEN’ – ‘day and evening news’ logo and jingle.
INT. NEWS SET ( ‘Will it ever end?’ scrolls along bottom of screen )
REPORTER
‘Cheers Clive..Right… im here today with Ned whos been
hiccupping now for 25 years ..tell me Ned, will it ever end?”
NED
*Hic* (says nothing)
REPORTER
‘Back to you, Clive’
TV turns off
INT. NEDS DINGY FLAT
Ned is sat slumped in his armchair in front of the TV with a cigarette and bottle of whiskey in hand. Having just watched himself on TV he is frustrated.
AUDIO - (slow piano music starts complimenting his mood).
Ned takes a drag on the cigarette but hiccups, then he goes to swig from his bottle but hiccups again and spills it on himself. He throws the bottle on the floor where it smashes spilling flammable liquid everywhere. Ned stands up and climbs on top of the table infront of him. Ned looks up to the light fitting, drops the cigarette into the puddle below but does not notice and proceeds to wrap the end of his tie to the light fitting. Smoke starts to rise from below. Smoke drifts into shot from below but Ned doesn’t notice for a few seconds…
NED
Aaaaghh.. uuuugh!! (a worried groan)
Ned panics and steps off the table awkwardly, hangs for a moment and chokes, he then falls onto the burning floor, tie snapping. The floor gives way and Ned disappears into the room below.
INT. OLD COUPLES FLAT
AUDIO – Fast piano music begins.(continues till hospital just before final blackout before the hospital scene)
Ned falls to the floor, from the hole in the ceiling,burning. An old couple are on the bed having sex in a humourous position. Ned stands up. The old man turns around to look at Ned but does not stop. Ned is on fire and he leaps out of the window smashing through the glass. The window is visibly above ground level.
EXT. FLAT BLOCKS
Ned flies out of the smashed window still on fire crashing through an opposing window below. Cityscape in the background.
INT. FAT MANS FLAT
Ned smashes through the window with a crash. He rolls in the shards of glass picks himself up from the floor and still burning he runs past the fat man and dog who take little notice. Hes trying to put the fire out by beating it with his hand as he runs out of shot.
INT. BATHROOM
Ned runs into the bathroom jumping into the conveniently full bath where he sighs with relief. A thought bubble appears from Ned suggesting that he has had an idea to electrocute himself. Ned climbs out of the bath splashing water everywhere and runs out of the bathroom.
INT. KITCHEN
Ned runs into the kitchen, spots the toaster and picks it up and heads back for the bathroom. The toaster springs back as the electrical cord is stlil plugged in and the toast springs out taking ned by suprise. The toaster flies out of his hands into the sink where it splashes, smokes and causes a power cut.
BLACKNESS
AUDIO -*SMASH SOUND*
Flash of the fat man hitting Ned with pillow as he’s hunched on the floor.
BLACKNESS
AUDIO - *DOGS BARK*
Flash of dog biting his leg.
BLACKNESS
AUDIO - *GUN RELOADING SOUND*
Flash of fat man loading his gun. Dog barks.
INT. HOSPITAL
AUDIO -(slow mournful piano)
Ned is bandaged up on a hospital bed hooked up to a life support machine with a heart rate monitor.
AUDIO - ‘Hic ..beep.. hic..beep.. hic.. beep ..’
Ned notices the off switch on the life support machine and stretches, trying to reach it.
AUDIO – fade out .. ( ‘hic.. beep.. fart..beep fart..beep)
END